Drafting Through Red & Gold Goggles: A 49ers Fan Fantasy Football Struggle (2025 Edition)

💭 The Struggle Is Real… and Red & Gold

It’s fantasy football season again, which means two things:

1. Everyone is pretending they really understand what a zone read is,

2. And I, a loyal San Francisco 49ers fan, am about to sabotage my own team—on purpose.

While the rest of my league is drafting based on "value" and "metrics," I’m over here locking in 49ers like I’m John Lynch on autopilot. Because when you bleed red and gold, your fantasy strategy becomes less about logic and more about vibes.

🏈 Round 1: Christian McCaffrey and My Sense of Destiny

Yes, Christian McCaffrey is 29 now. Yes, he has more mileage than my 2008 Honda Civic. But he’s still the RB1 in my heart (and probably the league).

CMC doesn’t just score fantasy points—he radiates them. I’d draft him in the first round even if he announced mid-draft that he’s switching to tight end. Doesn’t matter. He stays.

🤠 Round 6: Brock Purdy, Captain of My Fantasy Ship

While everyone else is fighting over Caleb Williams or some upstart AFC cannon-armed rookie, I’m taking Brock Purdy. Because he’s not just a “system QB”—he is the system.

He throws efficiently. He protects the ball. He’s got Kyle Shanahan’s brain backing him up like a cheat code. And most importantly: he throws to my other 49ers.

🧠 Rounds 3–7: The Heart Over Head Zone

This is where things get dicey.

Analytics say, “Wait for wide receivers.” My heart says, “Take Brandon Aiyuk because he deserves better.” Analytics say, “Diversify your roster.” My heart says, “Stack Aiyuk and Kittle and ride the chaos.”

Even George Kittle—battling three injuries at any given time—is still my emotional security blanket. And you know what? He’s worth the pain. Nothing says “tight end advantage” like a guy who blocks like a tackle and celebrates like he’s headlining WrestleMania.

🛡️ Defense, Kickers, and a Whole Lot of Hope

By Round 10, my opponents are drafting sleepers. Me? I’m locking in the 49ers D/ST like it’s the Avengers. Nick Bosa, Fred Warner, Lenoir—this squad isn’t just about real-world domination; it’s about fantasy righteousness.

And yes, I’m taking Jake Moody again. Look, he hurt me last season. But 2025 is the comeback arc. Everyone loves a redemption story.

🙃 The Bye Week? I Don't Wanna Talk About It.

Does drafting your favorite team cause problems? Yes. Week 9 becomes a barren wasteland. Every touchdown they score IRL turns into a simultaneous fantasy win and emotional rollercoaster.

But do I regret it? Not even a little. I’d rather go down with 8 Niners on my roster than win with a Cowboy in my starting lineup.

🏆 Final Thoughts: Fantasy Glory or Delusion?

This isn’t a winning strategy—this is a faithful strategy. Every CMC dump-off. Every Purdy rollout. When my fantasy team eats, so does my soul.

Will I win the league? Probably not. Will I be ecstatic every time the Niners put up 30? Absolutely. And really, isn’t that what fantasy football is all about? Let me know if you are the same way!

Go Niners. Go fantasy heartbreak. And may your rivals draft a Seahawk by mistake. 🙌